@thearmag3ddon here with yet Another Movie Review You Didn’t Ask For:
LIGHT SPOILERS so proceed with caution. Also misogyny trigger warning. 
The only thing I knew about this movie before I saw it had very little to do with the movie itself, but instead a lot of stuff surrounding the mystery of who actually wrote the book on which the movie was based. It was weird to me and strange, and there was speculation that it was actually written by J.K. Rowling (which makes sense) but I first heard about this whole thing because Swifties (as they do) thought Taylor Swift was the writer of this 384 page novel and I’m not going to get into that because I’m not about to be doxxed because they are totally not unhinged…collectively. I knew it was a book by a mystery author and somehow it was being made into a movie but there’s a twist because the movie is about the writer of the book and it’s confusing but I didn’t pay too much attention because there’s Henry Cavill and oh hey Dua Lipa, and some weird cat.
So anyway, I went to see Argylle, mostly because people were saying it was terrible and I’m always in for that. Not you Beekeeper. Reviews and chatterings and the absolutely abysmal box office designated this movie as an absolute clunker. I kept hearing and seeing things that mostly described it as a confused mess. But my experience was quite the opposite. I felt like everything I saw made sense according to the film itself and what it submitted to the viewer as a story or journey. Everything that was a mystery (that I can remember anyway) was explained (except for the intentional dangling cliffhanger of the mid-credits end scene which…we all know who that is right? I’m not sure the confusion) and for the most part it was an entertaining, mostly fun, light affair that I found enjoyable, although not amazing.
As you probably know by now, I’m admittedly psychotic about not watching movie trailers. It’s a weird quirky thing about me (one of many) but I’ve always been sensitive to advertising, and marketing in particular. Basically in order for marketing to be effective there has to be willing “marks.” Get it? Marketing…marks? ANYWAY, so I always try to remember that feeling I had growing up while watching maybe 80% of the movies I ever saw on broadcast independent tv stations on weekend afternoons and weekdays at night, which is that I discovered them by stumbling across them with no foreknowledge about anything, getting to experience the story and journey without any form of expectation, anticipation, or knowledge of how I was suppose to feel about it, or know which parts were coming, going in. It was the movie’s job itself to prove it’s worth to me. Nothing else. For the most part, that has served me since I almost completely cut out trailers. I find that I end up enjoying some movies a whole lot more because the noise of marketing is absent. Sometimes. In some cases. When I think the movie itself is actually pretty decent. But not you Beekeepr.
And well this movie was pretty much it.
I think the thing about Argylle is that it was so heavily marketed with Henry Cavill and Dua Lipa and the crazy cat in the weird backpack thingee that going in one might have had a very strong impression that this was actually more Henry Cavill action spy movie vehicle than it was. I think? I did watch the trailer afterwards and did see that quite a few important reveals were given which might have made the viewer not respond to them as much or the journey as it unfolded as well. For instance, apparently folks out there were trying to guess and some successfully did, before they even saw the movie, who Agent Argylle was. I however didn’t even know that was a thing. So I just was along for the ride. I will say, that as soon as I figured out what was going on pretty early I made a similar assumption as well because it reminded me a lot of Total Recall. I didn’t know why at the time, but realized why when all the reveals happened. So anyway, rambling. But yeah, I don’t think this movie is as bad as folks are saying.
However…
The twists do come at a rapid pace, and for some it might be a bit too rapid, which is why it reads as confusing, but I didn’t have a problem with it. Often it doesn’t give you much time to contemplate the current ridiculous twist before it’s moved on to the next thing. And maybe that’s it. They came so fast and furious that they seemed ridiculous. And they were, but the comedic tone for me helps alleviate some of me holding it to a high bar because realism was not on the menu. Also related to that the tone of the movie at the beginning which is a lot more grounded doesn’t quite match the tone of the movie once the biggest reveal comes which is high fantasy violence. But even that follows a bit of logic within the movie itself, but visually as an audience member one might find it a bit jarring and many might be unwilling to buy it.
While I did have fun, there is a quality about it that makes me not able to say it’s quite there either. I’m a big fan of Matthew Vaugn, director of to me still the best Marvel Fox movie ever made X:Men First Class, and he has his typical over the top comedic action flair here as he does in The Kingsman series although much less bloody. And the DNA of Lock, Stock, and also Snatch is here as well. So that’s all good. But there is something somewhere where it falls short.
With all the twists, it still felt predictable, but that’s never really an issue for me. And maybe it is that it’s another story that needed a bit more room to tell it’s tale? I don’t know.
I do think it’s worth the watch. I don’t think it’s worth running out to be gaslit by Nicole Kidman if you see it at AMC theaters. When it drops on streaming, do check it out. There’s no amount of word of mouth at this point that will save it. I do think that that’s a shame because I don’t think the movie is even close to bad. It was better than the Beekeeper.
The cast was I think, a part of the confusing tapestry. You have Bryce Dallas Opie Cunningham, The Artist Formerly Known as The Witcher and Superman, Crewman #6 who dances in more movies than I can count. Was he a former dancer? And also Jules who it was nice to see being kind and smiling for once, Heisnberg, and Kevin’s mom. Like…there’s a lot going on. And it gets thrown at you fast and fierce. I’m just trying to figure out why people didn’t get it. So I’m just throwing out theories. I found it all fine and made sense, if not actually making me love it either.
Anyway, like I said. Maybe check it out. It wasn’t as bad as I think people are saying, but it also isn’t as good as some other stuff out there. I do admire the attempt to tell the story. Maybe with a little more work on the execution of it, it would have captured our imaginations. Or maybe if that one singer did write it, then it would have been actually amazing, like everything else they do, because they are perfect and above reproach.
I give Argylle, 2.75 Perfectly executed Toe Picks out of 5.
Until the next Review that you didn’t ask for, @thearmag3ddon, signing off.